Ten things the Xbox 360 does wrong
If Microsoft is to realise its grand corporate vision of total media dominance, then it’s going to have to stop doing things wrong, and start doing them right.
These ten points would be a great place to start.
1. Mass storage
This was a giant leap backwards for the Xbox 2.0 – baffling, and widely decried. The first Xbox had an internal HDD as standard, and that was great. There was just the one SKU that all developers could optimise their software for.
By making the hard drive an optional extra, Microsoft threw the development community into disarray.
The ability to cache data to the hard drive, taken for granted on the previous generation, was scuttled. Hence an avalanche of development headaches, all felt acutely by the end consumer: texture pop-in, long loading times… it’s painful to watch.
Oh, but it gets worse. You’re only allowed to have a single hard drive per system – you can’t swap them around like memory sticks. If you choose to upgrade from the 20 gig to the 120 gig model, you need to use a special cable and a special process that involves formatting the original drive. Having two is taboo.
Compared to the PS3, where the hard drive is standard, and can be swapped out for any HDD you can buy from a shop (just the thing for chunky DLC), mass storage on the 360 is an embarrassment.
2. It crashes and it dies
This is the billion-dollar question. How could Microsoft get this so very, very wrong? The dreaded Red Ring of Death effect indicates a fundamental engineering failure – through ordinary use, the 360 gets hotter than its designers expected. Hence the high failure rate. Hence the mortal dread gamers feel when those red LEDs glow.
The moving parts don’t work as they should. A DVD that provokes corrupted visuals and/or system failure when viewed in a 360 will typically work just fine in a PS3. This console quantifiably can’t play discs as well as the competition. And while it doesn’t gouge circular grooves into every disc you put in it, this has happened to enough people for it to be a serious issue.
3. Noise
Let’s not forget those noisy, noisy fans, firing-up as the tasks given the machine get more complex. We are constantly surprised when users tell us that they don’t notice the sound, or don’t find it an issue. Clearly they haven’t enjoyed the blissful serenity of the console’s competitors.
While the machine can, technically, play DVD movies, it’s one of the worst possible ways to do it. The noise generated can drown out the dialogue. The same is true for games, detracting massively from the whole experience.
Similar to a dripping tap, the noise of the 360 is a splinter in the mind’s eye. And nothing is worse than an itch you can never scratch.
4. You have to ‘sign in’ with controllers
A second person wants to play? No worries! Just turn on another controller. No, wait – you have to turn on the controller, then press that funny button on both the console and the joypad to synchronise. Then you can sign in. Why do you need to sign in at all? You just do. It’s how it’s done.
Another all-too-common scenario: you want to boot up and play some Halo. But the controller doesn’t work! What’s going on? Oh, that’s right, you played some Guitar Hero last night, and you didn’t log out with the guitar controller. You can hardly play Halo with a guitar, so this triggers another log-out/log-in rigmarole. Sheesh.
Our eyes glaze over just thinking about it. Signing in with controllers is a colossal pain. Why do you even need a ‘profile’ at all?
5. Its UI is vulgar
Both the PS3 and the Wii have simple, elegant casings, and minimalist, purely functional menus. The Wii menus in particular are quite soothing to use – ambient music plays gently, and gentle chimes meet button presses. Even when you turn it off, it’s not like someone yanking a power cord. Instead, the screen gently fades to black.
Compare that to the 360’s menus, which look like something from a televised lottery segment. Harsh colours, a faux metallic sheen, and an overall attitude that screams out: “ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!”
The competition set out to create an agreeable psychological state in the user. The 360 seeks to blow him away. It’s like someone writes you an email in ALL CAPS. IT SEEMS LIKE THEY’RE SHOUTING.
Once your eyes adjust, it’s no longer impressive. Instead, it’s kind of embarrassing.
5a. Faceplates
Who in the world cares about faceplates? They take a moderately sleek and modern unit of home entertainment gear, and turn it into a Fisher Price novelty item. Faceplates are shit.
6. Wi-Fi costs extra
A lot extra. Like, AU$170 extra. If you don’t care for Wi-Fi, this isn’t a big deal. If you do, then it is… and more people are on a daily basis.
This also ties into point 5. Because the Wi-Fi adapter is an add-on unit, it means you’ve got one more dust-gathering, oddly-shaped gizmo in your living room. One more thing to trip over. One more prong for cords to get tangled around. And considering Wi-Fi is built into the PS3, and thus avoiding all these problems, one more black mark against the 360.
7. Multiple SKUs
The only thing the Core system ever had going for it was a slightly lower failure rate, seeing as the Premium systems were manufactured first. Even as the cost of hard drives continues to plummet, Microsoft continues to churn out new and discless systems, with the ‘Arcade’ unit the Core’s successor. Seriously, WTF?
To make one SKU without a hard drive can be put down to misfortune. To be make two begins to look like carelessness.
This also ties into point 10. You can look ahead if you want. We won’t consider it cheating.
8. Format lock-in
Want to stream movies to your 360? Then you’ll need Windows XP Media Centre Edition. Or Windows Vista. If you run Linux, Mac OS, or Vanilla XP like a normal person, then you’re fresh out of luck. Of course, you’ve probably come up with your own solution for streaming video to your telly that bypasses the Xbox 360 completely. Either way, Microsoft has failed to sell you on the idea of using console as a universal media hub.
It remains a games machine, segregated from your other home entertainment gear by Microsoft’s arbitrary walls of product exclusivity.
9. Xbox Live costs money
Internet play doesn’t cost anything on the PS3. Granted, the service isn’t as good. But 80-odd bucks a year is a lot of money for some. And, just perhaps, more than the service is worth.
9a. Wallpapers and themes cost money.
We’re accustomed to paying for video games. We know that they cost tens of millions of dollars to make, and that most games never turn a profit anyway. Paying for games is fair. But desktop wallpapers? A bloody jpeg?! Most of us would have, oh, around 1000 desktops on our PCs, maybe more. Net cost? Zilch.
It makes as much sense as the federal government taxing you for the air you breathe.
10. Sheer bloody-mindedness
This is more a case of what Microsoft does wrong than the console itself, but the point is still valid. In many ways, the Xbox line has brought out the worst of Microsoft’s well-earned reputation for corporate duplicity. This extends to self-delusion. Desktop users of the world were not enamoured of Windows 2000, ME, or Vista, yet they have been pushed to the hilt regardless. So too with Rare. Its acquisition cost Microsoft ten times what Bungie did, and that premium has bought a handful of console exclusives; poor-selling, and consistently scoring (or deserving) 7s and 8s.
In the one-eyed world of the console wars, it’s easy to forget how normal businesses do things. Any rational listed company would have sold, down-sized, or dismantled Rare by now. With Banjo Kazooie 3 nowhere in sight, even the most bullish Microsoft shareholders must be asking serious questions. Specifically, about what the heads of the Xbox division think they’re doing.
Well, there you have it. It’s not a pretty picture. But it’s not like the 360 is the only console with problems.
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